beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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