For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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