I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
