I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
