oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
