there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
