Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
