Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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