I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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