Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
