your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
