i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
