I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!