Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.