Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.