in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame