So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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