Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
