we have officially lost it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
