Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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