Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
