OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
