mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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