mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
