Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
