Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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