apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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