from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
