if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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