fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
