Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
