he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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