Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
