I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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