I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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