You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
