and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
