I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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