How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
