u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The cops high fived after they tackled you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
