Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
