Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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