fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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