Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
