Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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