I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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