puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
