sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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