She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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