he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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