My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
