I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
