Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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