I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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