But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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