You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
