We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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