Little spoons don't ask big questions
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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