I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!