my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
